Don’t Look Back

“I finally see the dawn arriving

I see beyond the road I’m driving

Ooh far away and left behind, left behind

Oh the sun is shining

And I’m on that road”

- Boston

The heat is inescapable. Wednesday was the most uncomfortable night I can recall. Still in the high 90’s at the 3 in the morning, trying to sleep in a van with bugs flying all around and zero air movement. Kelly had bought a couple of little “personal” fans that didn’t stir enough air to move a blade of grass. She was laying motionless in the bed with a wet rag on her, clutching her little fan by her head. Then the fan ran out of charge.

We were staying at the Las Vegas Bay campground. It was nearly deserted. There are 85 sites, and we were one of two vehicles. I’m sure it doesn’t help that there are more corpses than water in Lake Mead these days. Apparently, back in the day, this campground was actually on the water. Not any more. In a failed attempt to beat the heat (LOL), I was out before 6:30am. The ride was a loop trail for 35 miles around the River Mountains south of Vegas. There were a couple of photo ops, but by and large it was just ugly - like the rest of Nevada.

Ok, let’s just get this out on the table. With due respect to our recent discovery of Valley of Fire State Park, Nevada has ZERO redeeming features. Certainly none that aren’t man-made, and those would probably create a rich debate. It is hands-down the ugliest state in the US. It is nothing but dirt. Unattractive piles of rock and dirt. It doesn’t have the majestic mountains of Colorado or the gorges and canyons of Utah and Arizona. It is a desert from top to bottom. Human beings are not made to live in a place like that, yet a million of them live in Vegas. There is no running water, other than a couple of rivers up by Reno. I’m pretty sure there’s not a tree over 6’ tall in the state - that was planted in front of a casino on the Strip. If you believe in this line of thinking, Nevada is what was left over after God created the rest of the world.

After the Nevada loop was done, I decided that since I couldn’t beat the heat, I needed to embrace it. Accordingly, we got in the van and headed to the only logical place we could go - Death Valley. I was intent on knocking out both Nevada and California on the same day. But there’s a limit to my idiocy. To get into Death Valley from any direction, you have to go over a hill anywhere from 3000’ to 5000’ in elevation. Coming from Pahrump, Nevada, I had Kelly drop me off at the top of the hill. I then had a 19.4 mile ride with 0’ of elevation gain (according to Strava - 18’ according to Ride with GPS). From 3000’ to -190’. I pedaled, but I didn’t need to. About 4 miles down the hill, I came to the welcome sign for the Park. There was an older man and his wife standing out by the sign. I stopped and waited for them to finish their picture so I could take one. The man slowly (like a tired sloth) walked to the backside of the sign. He then slowly walked back to the front. Then he posed for a picture in front of the sign. Then his wife got back in the car. Then he slowly walked and stood about 20’, directly between me and the sign. Then he took out his phone and started playing around with it. Meanwhile, I could feel layers of my skin just frying and starting to peel away. After close to 5 minutes he stepped out of the way - slowly - so I could take my picture and leave. As I continued down the hill, the wind in my face was so hot it was burning my eyes, even with my sunglasses on. I felt like the bad guy in the cave at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark, when the Ark caught on fire and his whole face melted. If I’d been riding with Stefan at this point, he would have told me it was “hotter than a popcorn fart” - a phrase we learned from some old guy in Spokane back in ‘82. I would have replied with something like “it’s hot enough to melt the frost off a witch’s tit.” Not sure when or where I heard that one, but it was a keeper, to be saved for circumstances exactly like this.

On the road early

What’s left of Lake Mead. Look closely, you can probably see the floaters

‘Nuff said

Sin City

More action photography at the end of the morning ride

Complete with old guy in the picture.

Heading down the hill in Death Valley

Death Valley. Easily the ugliest National Park I’ve been to. Not the worst, that’s reserved for glorified county parks like Indiana Dunes or Cuyahoga Falls, but definitely the ugliest. It’s so ugly, it should have been part of Nevada.