Dealer’s Choice

Jon Scott
May 23
5 min read

I woke this morning filled with dread. Mostly about getting on the bike seat, but also about where this thing might end up today. From Jeff City, there aren’t a lot of great options. In fact, I think that’s the motto of the city. I was absolutely not getting back on the Katy Trail, so that took away northeast and northwest (due to a big curve in the river). South was grim because it was a ton of climbing toward the Ozarks and Rolla. No thank you, as Route 66 goes right through there and I’ve already done that on a bike. East-West is US 50. Out towards our part of the world, that is known as the “Loneliest Road in the World”. For good reason. There were a couple little towns that could be reachable from Jeff City, but like everything else about today, they brought little inspiration or excitement. The beauty, or the curse, of today was the forecast. At various points in the day, it was supposed to be westerly, easterly, northeasterly and southeasterly. Never were they supposed to be over 5mph at any point. My interpretation of that was that I could go anywhere or do anything I wanted today without violating the self-imposed rules. As I was lounging around the hotel, planning on checking out at the last possible minute (11am), and kicking proverbial turds, IT Director, Bookie, and Mental Health Therapist (for real), texted. She made a suggestion that I should do something for myself. And a plan was born.

I love it when a plan comes together almost exactly how you hoped. Full disclosure - I’ve been working on an endgame since day 3 or so. As soon as I realized I was making a loop around KC, I figured I wouldn’t end up too far from it and from my van. Hoping I could get back there either Friday evening or Saturday morning, I texted couple of college friends (Steve and Mary) that live in St. Louis, to see if by chance either, or both, of them might be home for the holiday weekend. Steve quickly replied with his regrets because he was heading to Wichita. But wait! He said he was driving right through KC and if I ended up anywhere near I-70, he could give me a lift back to Fletcher’s house. It’s not out of his way at all. Hmmmm. Meanwhile, Mary totally ghosted me. As the week progressed, it became clear that I was going to be in the I-70 corridor, so Steve and I began to firm up plans, with the final pickup spot TBD. Then yesterday, Mary called. She couldn’t figure out why I was totally ghosting her. Apparently, Mary had a mishap involving dropped phones, shards of glass, and a new phone, and somewhere in there, her original response never made it to me. Lo and behold, Mary is, in fact, home this weekend so after Steve meets me for dinner in an hour, takes me back to Fletcher’s house, where we will crash this evening, he will head off to Wichita tomorrow in time for his family event and I will head off to St Louis in the van to spend the afternoon and evening with Mary. Two old friends in two days! I love it when a plan comes together! Almost as much as when a non-plan like this folly of a trip, works out about as well as it possibly could (minus the ass blisters). Spoiler alert: This is how the Nolen/Scott family rolls. Convoluted, multi-faceted plans that require everything to come off without a hitch. Then a flight gets delayed, the dog sitter bails, there’s a thunderstorm in Chicago or Denver or Dallas and it throws the whole plan in to the shitter yet somehow, we all still manage to get where we want to go.

After consulting with my Therapist and coming up with a plan, all that was left was to execute it. I checked out a bit earlier than planned to give myself some leeway, but not until after applying the mandatory lotions and potions. I also left my bike shorts in the garbage can in the hotel as I believe the seams in the “seamless” garment were the cause for some issues I’ve been having. The locations line up anyway. This was a decision made out of anger and haste. I can’t say I regretted it, but my alternative choice was no better. The damage was done.

I had to leave Jeff City exactly the way I had come in last night so back through the town I went. Before we leave Jeff City, let me just say that you would think the state capital would be able to slide themselves a little bit of money for road repairs. It appears these roads are the original wagon trails of settlers heading west to Oregon.

I crossed back over the Missouri for the 6th and final time on this journey and the only bridge I used more than once. From there, it was simply a straight shot for 27 miles on a freeway with a posted speed of 70mph, but a wide, paved shoulder. The map kept trying to take me off on to side roads to get off the freeway but there was no way I was riding a single centimeter farther than I had to, and the freeway was the straightest line. At about 1:15, I arrived at my destination, stood for a minute to cool off, get organized and change my shoes before checking in for my 2:00 appointment.

15 minutes in the Tranquility Room and an hour after that, and life was good! The ride was not officially over yet, but I had put my cycling shoes in my backpack and there was zero chance I was putting them back on, so I pedaled slowly and carefully in my tennis shoes the last 1.9 miles to Shakespeare’s Pizza near the Mizzou campus in downtown Columbia, Missouri.

While waiting for Steve to meet me here, I treated myself to some ice cream. I happened to show up just after about a half dozen elementary school kids celebrating their final day of school. All selected chocolate, or some close relative. Roughly 1/3 of the ice cream scooped into the cones found its way into their respective mouths. The three moms chaperoning the event went through a Costco box of napkins wiping hands and faces. Unfortunately, that was to very mild effect. The amount and patterns of chocolate ice cream on faces, in hair, and on clothes would have shamed any face painter at the county fair. No pictures were taken because I didn’t want the moms to think this creepy old dude was perving on their kids. I just watched and LOL’d.